"Ok so I get it, I need to change things. I know I need to be very picky. I know I need to be very patient. But now what? Where can I find this magical man that is supposed to come sweep me off my feet?"

If I had the answer to that, believe me, I'd already be married (Not to a guy, you dorks). But unfortunately, it's not always that easy. I have been picky and patient for quite a while now. I can't stand weddings, because they remind me of how unmarried I am. I know that doesn't give you a lot of hope, but stick with me.

The first thing is you need to hang out in places where you find these guys. Can I give you a hint? The bar isn't one of these places. The majority of guys go to bars for one reason, and I think you know what that reason is. Don't go to a bar, hoping you will find a good guy, because the chances of that happening, are very slim. It is possible, but the odds are against you.

Instead of trying to find guys at a bar, think of what is important to you in your life. If staying fit is important to you, check out the gym. If religion is important to you, try your church. If you enjoy sports, there might be a guy or two at a local ball game. If you enjoy reading, go to a local book store, pull a book off the shelf, and find a chair in the store and do some reading. If you're a coffee drinker, why not go a few minutes early, and have a seat and just relax in the store for a while while checking out the scene. What about your local grocery store? People need food, even Mr or Ms Right needs to eat. Take a moment and think of some of the popular places that people go (not bars) to hang out, socialize, or whatever. If someone was visiting your town, where would you send them or take them? Try some of these places.

So you have a couple places in mind? Good, go to these places. And here's the deal. You can't be overly focused on the opposite sex. They shouldn't be the reason that you're actually going to this place. You need to just relax, and go and have fun. If you're really desperate, then you're not ready for a good guy or girl, because you will just scare them off. No one that has their act together, is going to be attracted to someone who is desperate, needy or clingy. You need to be content on being single. When you're single, it is a great opportunity to grow and improve yourself. But like I have said before, you need to be independant, before you can be dependant. The sooner you can function without thinking about or needing the opposite sex, the sooner you're ready for a real relationship.

But go out with a friend or two and hang out. Or go to the gym, and do your thing. And most of the time, you won't see anyone that really catches your eye. But sooner or later, you will find someone that is attractive. And here's the thing. How many of us have seen someone that we thought was totally hot, and we wanted them to start a conversation with us so bad. And how many times, did we see them walk away, and never see them again? Has this ever happened to any of you? Absolutely, it's happened to all of us. And here's the deal. It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. The dating landscape has changed a lot in the last few years. Sure it should be the guys that approach the girls, but it's not happening like it used to. And the guys that do the approaching, are usually the ones that you don't want to approach anyway. So instead of continuing to waste opportunities, we need to swallow our pride, let go of our fear, and go over and start up a conversation with the person. Why continue to walk away disappointed, and leaving with an empty heart and feeling sad? Now ladies, I'm not saying that you give up your power of choice. In the end, you can still make him earn your phone number, or whatever. But why can't you be the one that actually starts the conversation? Why let another opportunity go down the drain? Who knows, the guy could be a complete loser after you start talking with him, but at least you know, and you can walk out of the place knowing that you took the step, and that you don't have to worry about thinking, "what if?"

I don't know how the universe works, I'm not even going to pretend to try. I don't know how love and relationships work. But one thing that I've learned, is that in life, the people that are more successful with anything, are the people who try, fail, get back up, and try again and again. They are the people that are proactive, and instead of waiting for things to happen to them, they make things happen. We can't control everything that happens around us, or that happens to us, but we can control how we respond when things happen. I hate being single as much as the next person. But I am not going to settle, because I know that I deserve more. And I hope you understand that about yourself. YOU deserve better then settling as well. And realize that you're not the only person in the world that wishes they could find a real good partner, because we all do. But I say, instead of waiting for them to knock on our door, lets go out, and put ourselves in the best situation we can to find and attract that person. And we might approach 100 guys or girls that aren't right for us. But that doesn't mean we give up, and that doesn't mean we settle. We continue to grow, and improve ourselves while waiting for someone that deserves us! I share in your pain, and I share in the hope that we all have of finding that special person. Please email me with any suggestions, comments, or stories you have. I'd love to hear from you.

Jarett